The Capable Kid: What I Learned Coaching the Kids Who Needed More Time
“Send this to Miss Shannon!”
It is the best kind of day when I get a text like this from past-student’s-parents-turned-friends. Sometimes years since they’d been in my class. Over the years I have had incredibly talented kiddos who are amazing to coach, but I really fell in love with coaching (specifically preschool gymnastics!) the kids that needed a little more time, a little more information, a little more support, or a little more patience.
“Parent and Me” classes were my least favorite in all the land to coach. My focus — and often the parents’ as well — was on the result or the skill we were working towards. But there is so much that these little ones are picking up on. They quickly switched to my favorite classes when it clicked that kids need more exposure, time, and repetition than most adults expect.
Unfortunately as adults we easily mistake not ready for not capable. The magic really happens before any “big skill” is ready to go. Some of these not-so-little things can look like:
being comfortable moving on different surfaces
giving the coach a high-five
jumping with two feet for the first time
growing grip strength
willingness to go upside down or backwards
getting comfortable trying new things
clapping in rhythm
… and so much more!
One of my favorite stories is about Scarlett! When she first started classes she would not even look at me. Tears and hiding were a common occurrence. It took months for her to get comfortable with me and just as long to try skills in class. Now she is one of the families that will randomly send me a video of them flipping around and saying “Send this to Miss Shannon!” Another friend, Jess, has a daughter who refused to try a pullover on the bar. Instead of pushing the skill, we did lots of different drills disguised as play. One day she asked to make a video of her doing it, so I held her through the whole thing. Today she is an amazing little dancer! If you saw either one you'd probably describe these girls as brave, confident, and capable. The truth is, they always were. They just needed time for everyone else to see it.
It starts to get easy as a coach to hold back a little and give a kiddo room to try, fail, and figure it out. That has been one of the best lessons to have learned now that I am a mom. Because it is a different ball game to see your heart outside your body struggling, potentially getting hurt or frustrated. There is the constant questioning: Am I doing enough? Does he have enough opportunity? How do I balance support and independence? How long do I let him struggle?
When Cody was six months old he got a Pikler ladder for Christmas. Such a good gift! It can be reconfigured a bunch of different ways, and it’s something he still plays with daily 18 months later. Finally just this last Spring he was determined to climb up and over the tallest piece. He would get nearly there then his foot would slip through or he wasn’t putting his hand in a position where he could turn enough to go over the top. Everything in me wanted to just pick him up and turn him over the top because he was so excited about it when we did. I knew he was ready and needed to do it on his own. He did. He wanted my hand a few more times, but it wasn’t long before he didn’t need it anymore. And he loves it. He absolutely loves it.
While I’m still wrestling with the constant questions, I do believe with all my heart that we do need to give kids more room to try, fail, and figure something out. I hope this space helps you notice and celebrate growth that is easy to miss. I hope it gives you confidence to step back a little more often, cheer for little things, and trust that our kids are becoming capable long before the big thing ever appears. And then maybe even consider giving yourself the same perspective.